So, Are We Friends or What?

So, Are We Friends or What?

Dear Diary, I saw him for the first time today since semester break. He told me he missed me and that I looked very pretty. He also asked if I’m free on Friday night to watch a movie. I’m not sure what to think, Diary. I know we’re only friends. It’s not like we’re dating or anything. We just text each other a lot. But why is it like he is so interested in me? Why does he take the time and effort to always be with me? Does this mean that he is beginning to like me?

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“First day of classes. Hung out with a few friends, including my best friend. We’re going out on a movie night this Friday.”

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Dear Diary, the movie night is over. He treated me out to an ice cream sundae after and said that he enjoyed our time together. He told me that he would love to go on another movie night with me, and even said, “I enjoy spending time with you.” I’m confused. Is this a date? Is he hinting at something? Or is he just asking in the name of friendship? Because I think I quite like him. A lot.

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“Best film ever! Glad to see it with my best friend. We spend so much time together—texting, talking—she’s become like quite a sister to me.”

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Dear Diary, I don’t know where to begin or what to say. I reminded him that we had planned another movie “date” coming up this weekend. He said he had forgotten, and was hanging out with some of his buddies instead. I thought he liked me. I thought he was interested in me. Why would he forget something so special and so important then?

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“I think my best friend is mad at me. She reminded me of plans to see another movie this weekend, but I had already scheduled something with the gang. She looked pretty upset, but hey! There was nothing definite. It was just a bunch of plans anyway. She’s been acting pretty weird lately.”


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So, have you ever been in the same situation where you didn’t exactly know how things stood between you and a friend? Ever wondered “So, are we friends or not? Are we something more?” Are you confused because his actions don’t match with his words? Or is she saying one thing but doing another?

Actions or Words? It’s easy to complicate things in a relationship, especially when what is said is different from what is seen. It is said that people are more likely to believe what they see than what they hear, thus the famous phrase “Actions speak louder than words.” People are more likely to watch your actions than listen to the words that come out of your mouth. As a result, when what you say somewhat contradicts what you are doing, they are bound to believe what they see you doing instead of what they hear you saying.

Sounds confusing? Take the situation above. The girl knew they were “just friends,” but the fact that the guy was seeking her out, inviting her on movie nights, and treating her to an ice cream sundae sounded like he was genuinely interested in her. Though in the guy’s eyes, it was only for the sake of friendship, the girl saw it differently. She saw it as a sign that he was interested in her.

When a guy and girl term their relationship as “friendship” but act differently (spending a lot of time alone, texting/chatting a great deal, doing things together), things are bound to become quite sticky. Either the guy or the girl might think “Hey, he/she enjoys spending time with me. He/she must like me!” Mixed signals—when your words and your actions don’t jive—can result in a very confusing relationship.

Communication is the most important part of any relationship. 

Whether friendship. Or courtship. Or dating-ship.

Communication does not only consist of the words that come out of our mouths, but the actions we do as well. People will pay attention to how you react to something that is being said. How you carry yourself in the presence of some people. How you respond to circumstances around you. Body language and all those unspoken thoughts that we communicate non-verbally—whether we are aware of it or not—often speak louder than our words.

David Eastman, a dating guru, says that we become emotionally incongruent when what comes out of our mouths doesn’t match what shows on our faces. Thus, dates can get pretty messed up. The same principle applies with friendships. That’s why we need to say what we mean, mean what we say, and show it!

If you like someone as merely a friend, show it. Don’t spend any more time with her than you spend time with your other friends. Don’t text, say, or do things with a guy if you wouldn’t do the same with other friends. When these lines are blurred and crossed, the assumptions and false conclusions begin to happen. The result is a confusing friendship, which often ends up with awkwardness on both sides, and thus the friendship is destroyed.

What’s to be done? A little awareness goes a long way. Guys need to realize that if they treat one girl in a special way, she’s bound to notice and interpret it as a sign that he likes her. Girls need to realize that just because a guy often does these seemingly “sweet” things, it doesn’t mean she’s romantically special to him.

This is no reason for us to drop down our guards and just be sweetums with everybody. Nor is it a reason to be barely civil with one another. Our goal should be to cultivate a community of accountability and good, Christ-centered friendships, where there are no false assumptions and wrong conclusions—and this starts with you.

Take a look at the friendships you have in your life. Are you accidentally leading someone on to thinking that more than a friendship exists between the two of you? Are you rather confused right now over a friendship with someone? Is there something you need to clarify between the two of you? Share your thoughts below!

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Post by Alyssa Chua, TLW Volunteer. Alyssa is a Sojourner and Explorer. When she is not chasing stardust in distant lands, she is curled up in a quiet corner, reading a book or attempting to write one, Root beer and coffee are bare necessities. To read more of her ramblings, visit http://peraldaiel.blogspot.com.

M.U. Exposed!

MU Exposed

“His eyes just melt me on the spot! Plus he gave me chocolates for my birthday. Isn’t he so thoughtful and sweet?” she thought.

“Well, she’s pretty and so excited with the gift. Kind and sweet girl. I think I like her.” He thought

“I feel something special for him; he probably feels the same for me. It must be us. It must really be us.” She concluded.

MU a.k.a. Mutual Understanding. Same feelings for each other. Feelings keep rushing and it’s so good that you wish it won’t stop. Well, you wish.

MU is everywhere and you can’t just get enough of it. It’s pretty viral. Symptoms are dreamy-eyed young people floating in the air thinking MU must be love. Well, MU is not love. The fact that “mutual” has “mute” for its root word proves that it isn’t love. Love is expressed in balance through words and actions. Love is not mute.

When you are in a mutual understanding, you don’t usually utter words to confirm what you understand. You just assume that what you think is what the other person thinks. Surprise, surprise, we are not mind readers! Just because you think it is, doesn’t really mean it really is! And that’s dangerous.

Your Destination without  CommitmentImagine you’re driving a car and your ka-MU is your passenger. There is MU so you assume your passenger wants to go where you want to go. You start driving to Baguio. But your passenger is thinking otherwise. He/she wants to go to Tagaytay. You both assumed you agree where you’re going so there is no need for words to confirm the understanding.

He thought, she thought. All in your thoughts and in the end you quarrel because you find out you were not thinking the same things. Where did all the feelings go?

See here, MU is dangerous because there is no certainty, no direction, and above all no smooth communication flow. It is selfish and cares not for the welfare of the other. You think that they would think like you do; feel the way you feel.

In the little thought exchange above, girl and boy assume in their thoughts that they like each other. Their thoughts are justified by the acts of kindness and sweetness to each other. But do kindness, sweetness and thoughtfulness equate love? Just because something feels so right, could it really mean love? If all your answers are yes, please reconsider because you’re headed the wrong and very dangerous highway.

Love is not just the “good feelings.” Love requires commitment. It speaks, it acts and it confirms.
Have you ever fallen in love? Was it really love? Or was it just a trip to the dangerous highway of MU? Share us your story. We’d love to hear from you.

“MU n b tayo?!”

I was surfing the net one time, searching for thoughts about the MU fever then I came across these lines from a confused blogger.

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“ano ba talaga?!? hayy!ang gulo talaga… unfair di ba?!? di mo alam kung anong status nyo…you’re doing things na parang kayo, pero hindi…”

This could be the same thing some of you are experiencing toward your friend, bestfriend, klasmeyt or katrabaho. “Love ba talaga ‘to?” At the back of your mind, you’re confused.

MU or Mutual Understanding has become a fad in our culture today particularly for teenagers and singles out there. You can hear different stories over and over again MU for ilang months of texting, blogging, chatting, and friendster update after that break na! Iba nman, are prolonging the agony of being attached with someone. Don’t know where they are going? How will their relationship work? In other words, magulong usapan!

The truth is… there is no such thing as MU in a relationship. WHY? Ito kasi ang defense mechanism ng mga taong ayaw ng COMMITMENT. They’re running away from a nerve breaking attachment and responsibility. Instead of being committed, kumitid ang brains nila to comprehend what should be done in a right way. Commitment o Mukhang Unggoy na lang?

Commitment is pledging yourself to a certain purpose and doing it consistently. Moving away from it, ruins your relationship with others and eventually your own life!

How about U?  Wt are ur thoughts about this topic?

Will share more insights to our next blog….In the mean time, would like to hear frm U.