I want to get married.
There, I said it.
Who wouldn’t, anyway? Marriage displays God’s good purpose for us; and we are all wired to desire for companionship and intimacy. As a child who’s part of a generation that glorifies romance, I was one of those girls who would plan her “dream wedding” down to the most minute details. Growing older and more mature in my walk with Christ, the picture of marriage became even more beautiful for me. However, I fear that there is also a danger to this kind of perspective. The concept of “patiently waiting for marriage” has somehow produced in some people the thinking that getting married gives someone the license or go signal to serve Christ.
“Okay, Lord. Give me my husband and I will love and serve you with all my heart! I’m willing to wait, by the way. :)”
In her book Emotional Purity, Heather Paulsen says that “an underlying, unspoken feeling in Christian circles seems to be that marriage brings you to a deeper level of spirituality. It is almost as though marriage is the pinnacle of the Christian life.”
I used to think like this, too. I used to only dream of that ideal wedding with the ideal man; and even created a detailed description of what he would be like.
But then one day, a sudden realization crept in: What if I’m not going to get married yet in the next few years? What if I’m not going to get married at all? What have I been doing with my life? All those daydreams, all those hours spent planning my married life, they will all be for naught.
At that moment, I realized how much I’ve been wasting my time (and feelings) all along.
Imagine the things I could have done with all that wasted time. I could’ve been a better student. I could’ve done more housework. I could’ve been a friend to someone who needed help. I could’ve learned a new skill. I could’ve spent more time with God. I could’ve done all of this… but I didn’t. Why?
I was crippled by my desires.
Don’t get me wrong, though. Waiting is a beautiful, beautiful act of worship. My point is just that some people (like me) have the tendency to make the process of “waiting and preparing for marriage” the single overarching purpose of their lives.
It’s not. There are things we can do to serve God as singles that married people may not be able to do. There are lives we can touch as singles that we may not be able to if we were married. There are fruits we can harvest now. Not when we’re married, not when we’re engaged or in a relationship, but now. And more importantly, there is a work being done in our lives right at this moment.
So instead of merely “waiting” passively for that person who would be our partner in serving Christ, why don’t we actively serve Him in the best manner we could in this current season of our lives?. Instead of imagining who our future lovers would be, why don’t we strive to grow deeper in knowledge of God, the ultimate Lover?
In her essay Becoming Esther, Charo Washer says:
Singleness is not a waste of time or a sitting on the sidelines, but a time that God has set aside especially for the woman, to make her into what He wants her to be, and to use her in ways that just might be impossible after marriage. Singleness is a time in which a woman is to cultivate the virtues that pertain to being a woman of God, so that she can offer to her future husband and the world something more than just a pretty face.
So I will wait, but I will not in vain. I will wait patiently, faithfully, expectantly, and fruitfully. I will wait not just with all of my heart, but also with both of my hands. I will work for His Kingdom. I will work for His glory.
That way, my singleness will not be only a season of waiting, but a season of passionate service and self-denial, as a sign of absolute surrender to His will.
Post by Jessamine Pacis, TLW volunteer. Jessamine is a writer, soon-to-be law student, and forgiven child of God. A proud INFP, she can usually be found daydreaming or consuming copious amounts of cereal at any time of the day. She prattles about random musings and her imperfect (yet beautiful) journey with Christ at itsjesss.wordpress.com.
I Will Wait for You
So it seemed, that it was cool for everyone to be in a relationship but me
So I took matters into my own hands and ended up with him
Him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, and a thief
So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
‘Cos it was ME who let him in
Claiming we were “just friends.”
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t…
I was gonna make him ‘The One’
You know, I was tired of being alone
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time
So I decided to drag him along for the ride,
‘Cos I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat,
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him ‘The One’
He had a form of godliness… but not much.
But hey, hey I can change him! So I’ll take him. I mean, he’s close… enough.
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me
Arteries so clogged with MY will, it blocked His will from flowing through me.
So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
That flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back
Through my ignorance He sawed through my sternum
He sawed and cracked open my chest to transplant Psalm 51:10
A new heart and a renewed right spirit within!
So now I fully understand,
Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,
How much I need to wait… for you.
See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..
‘Cos in the beginning was the Word
And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings—
Which meant NOTHING.
He couldn’t even pray when I needed him to
Asking him to fast would be absurd!
So forget about being cleansed and washed with water through the Word…
But I know you.
You were already praying for me
Even never having met me
Let me assure you, I will wait for you.
I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention
And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’
You know…. He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name Luke,
His last name Warm.
I, I won’t settle for false companionship
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
Attempting to find some closeness,
But never feeling so far apart ‘cos I just wanna be held
‘Cos “all I gotta do is say…” NO!
No more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’
Passing winks and buying drinks,
And I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!
Who flirts with the ideology of
“Can you just tell me how much I can get away with and still be saved?”
I’ll stay in my bed… alone.
And write poems, about how I will wait for you.
He won’t even come close
Our fingers won’t even interlock
We won’t even exchange breath
‘Cos I have thoughts that I’ve “saved as” in a file that God has only equipped you to open.
I will no longer get weighted down,
From so-called friends and family talks,
About the concern for my biological clock,
When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time,
But I’m subject to Him!
He has the ability to stop, fast forward, pause, or rewind at any given time…
So if we could role play,
You would be Abraham and I would be Sarah
Or you could be Isaac and I could be Rebekah—a servant’s answered prayer
I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,
Made up of your rib Adam!
And once we meet, like electrons,
I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.
We even speak the same math:
1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image,
But you have the ability to reflect, project and even detect the Son.
If I were to explain what you looked like,
You would have to look like a star,
A son of the Son…
I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me.
I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis
I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you.
And I will know you…
Because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
But your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,
‘Cos His Word will be tattooed all over your heart.
And you will know me, and you will find me,
Where the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth,
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.
But to my Father, my Father Who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if You should see fit…
I desire Your will above mine,
So even if You call me to a life of singleness,
My heart is content with You—the One Who was sent.
You are the greatest love story ever told,
The greatest Love ever known
You are forever my Judge and I’m forever Your witness
And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning…
More than the watchmen wait for the morning, I WILL WAIT.